Not Home Yet

I was reminded today, again, that this isn’t the end.

And we are not Home yet.

I know someone navigating something…taxing. All I can do is pray.

I know someone walking with someone else into the Obscene Dark. All I have is quiet respect…and hope that not making them talking about it comes across as the mercy I intend it.

I know several people working double-time to balance the balancing act. I see more fear and pain and panic, and am certain of that…than I am fooled by aplomb. So when I think of them I try and think of all of us surrounding each other in the midst of the fact that everyone’s trying to do the best they can with what they’ve got. And I hope that when words would not help, and they don’t always help, I’ll have the courage to refrain from speaking. And I hope that when words are needed, if they’re needed, I’ll have the courage to speak past the niceties and let them hear what I think are two of the most powerful words in any language: “Me too.”

I know lots of people who are one bad decision from finding out that the vow “for better or for worse” could have covered what they have convinced themselves couldn’t possibly be covered by such a young, naive, and happy promise.

But it could have.

Everything feels paper thin right now. And nothing seems funny, although I find myself laughing in order to steady myself.

There are birthday parties, and cocktails parties, and funerals and more babies coming; I see what used to look like a death or a dormancy to me. But now I know I’ve seen enough to know that what’s really happening, deeper down, is that roots are threading themselves one into another and, when the storms and floods come (and they’re coming) they’re going to pass too. And, passing, what looked dead and dying is going to be there. Still strong.

That gives me courage right now.

I know this is vague.

I mean it to be because there is, right now, a lot I don’t want to talk about. So I’m praying. Past words. Into the better mediums.

I just needed to remind myself that this is not the end.

And I am not Home yet.