Short List
A short list of several things I’ve never quite known how to piece together.
Not a lot to this one, so just bear with me.
Q-tips with no…well, no tips. I don’t know why. I just came into the bedroom and there they were, in this pile, on my bed. Left there.
Again, no idea, but if The Blair Witch Project had nothing to work with but our bedroom and Q-tips, I think these things would be hanging from branches in the woods.
This is a bee bowling ball hive. It came out of our chimney. The kids took turns taking it to school for Show & Tell and become instant rockstars. Because we told them the house was full of killer bees. It wasn’t but it made a great Show & Tell.
When I wake up in the morning and Take the Cup, and then make the spawn their breakfast…I am experienced enough to know what to expect when I crack open an egg. Twins were not what I expected that morning.
If you’ve ever driven through west Texas during a thunderstorm—and by west Texas thunderstorm I mean something biblical that would make Sodom and Gomorrah look like a theme park—you’ve likely encountered one of Nature’s delightful concoctions we all know as hail. And by hail I mean you’re going to get your butt knocked across west Texas while chased by demonic heat-seeking golf balls, meaning the hail. The beloved SUV sustained an amount of damage I don’t even want to get into, but if I did, I only would because the insurance company covered it.
Also, if you’re ever in one and you have to pull over to let Mother Nature get it out of her system, and your three-year old child is panicked and crying his eyes out in the back and screaming, “Why is God doing this?!”, I don’t recommend replying with, “Because you and your brother have been fighting all the way across west Texas and driving your parents nuts, that’s why. Thanks for the plague, you little monster.”
Just a little parenting tip for you there.
This is what happens, you’ll be happy to know, when you leave cans of Coke in the freezer. I didn’t hear them explode. What I heard, in my head, mind you, was “Not me!” because I knew no one was going to own up to this one. I just closed it and walked away.
Actually, I chipped off a bunch, put it in a glass with a little Captain and walked away pretending the freezer didn’t look like something out of Poltergeist.
Alpha Male pieced this creature together when he was about four. Then walked right into my office, slammed it on my desk, looked me right in the eye and said, “LIKE THIS.” And then marched right out.
I had no idea then, and no idea now, what he meant.
We end with this one.
Don’t ask me because I don’t know. All I know is that Cute Redhead once made this for dinner and I took one look at it and said, “Yeah, no.” And then took a picture of it to prove to the world I wasn’t making it up. This was actually over ten years ago, and the image is blurry because I couldn’t keep the camera steady. Because she was hitting me. Hard.
Because I was laughing. Hard.
it’s a toss up, but burned dog vomit dinner is my favorite. Mostly since it was years ago and that she was hitting you, and that I cannot figure out for the love what exactly it was intended to be.
Thank you for finally giving me a name for that.
I amost fell off my chair when I got to the freezer!! Adding the Captain was PERFECT!!! I like how you think:)