Let Go And Let Todd
This photo can not make any sense right now. But it will shortly.
I took it, just moments ago, lying on the floor of the boys’ bedroom, hoping to afford you, the alert reader, with a certain vantage point.
So last night I made a huge, huge, HUGE mistake. A stupid mistake. A. Very. Stupid. Mistake: I sat down right after everyone went to bed and started to read a book. And that, folks, is stupid.
Because I have two sons. And they are the Spawn of Hell (making mine beautiful) (most of the time) (but not this time). Also, they share a room. Which is because they’re boys and, even if they kill each other (they try), they’re boys, so they have to share a room. It’s just in The Rules.
So there I am sitting down reading trying to read my book. And then I hear Cute Redhead’s feet hit the floor and stomp into the boys’ room. And she was tuned up. Very. Tuned. Up. Because the Spawn had been screwing around (we’re shocked and amazed) and not going to sleep. Stop the presses.
So I set my book down *sigh* and head up stairs because I know that there’s going to be all kinds of I Did NOT’s and Listen To Me Young Ma—DON’TYOUROLLYOUREYESATME flying all over the room. And sure enough, there was. Alpha Male is sitting on his bed looking culpable, while Beta Male is whimpering up on the top bunk looking as victimized as can be. I don’t know who started what, why, how, where or exactly when. And though those points of the story would have surely been as interesting as the day is long, all of them were summarily eclipsed by the sight I beheld upon entering the room, which was:
Cute Redhead. Standing on the bed.
YELLING LIKE A HOMICIDAL MANIAC.
Remember how I said Alpha Male was sitting in his bed? Well, he was. That bed you see in the photo. And I tried to get a vantage point in the photograph to lend you, the alert reader, just what it must have been like for him to look up and not see the sun and all the planets (as in the photo) (and they actually orbit and it’s really cool), but to see stars.
Because his mother was about to clock him, them, you, me, all of us, into next week.
She had had it.
And having had it, she lost all composure and decided that her majestic 5’4″ would be even more intimidating if she stood up on the bed.
In her nightgown.
And yelled.
I just stood in the doorway, completely prepared to lend my support in the very foreboding form of Wait Till Your Father Gets Home. But that was wiped right out of Male Limbic brain the second I saw what she was doing.
And then I sort of started laughing.
And that doesn’t help, so I shut that down right away. Choose life, I always say.
But she’d totally lost any chance of being taken seriously and I could see the grin fighting for it’s life at the corner of Alpha Male’s life. So, in order to avoid his untimely death, I stepped in, told Cute Redhead I’d take it from here, give them What For, and proceeded to usher her out of the room and back to bed.
Which I did. I mean, I think I did. I mean, I think that’s what I remember.
All I know is that when I watched her stomp OFF the bed and stomp OUT of the room, I looked back at Alpha Male and he looked at me, and we both didn’t dare chance what we both desperately needed to do. Which was laugh our heads off.
Which I don’t recommend.
No. I just ushered Cute Redhead out of the room with the age-old, time-tested best advice in the world:
Let go and let Todd.
“Boys? Like this: I could care less who’s to blame. All you need to know is that I could make what I’m fully capable of look like an accident.”
Blank stares.
“Good night, boys.”
“Good night, dad.”
*Light.
“…dad?” Were you lau—”
“I said goodnight boys.”
Then I went downstairs and laughed myself senseless. Because seeing her stand up on the bed yelling like a raving lunatic was hilarious when the last thing I expected to see was her standing up on the bed yelling like a raving lunatic.
Dude, I dont know how you get away with telling these stories. As soon as the Red Head learns to read english, you are so sleeping on the couch.
Been there, done that. With girls. Except my husband did laugh. He wasn’t walking right for a few days.
Go Packers! — Oh she can read alright. It’s when I hear the words, “How do I reload this thing?” that I start to worry.
Janet, thanks for the reminder to buy a cup.