Legend
Okay, I can explain…
A few months ago we sat around the dinner table with Alpha, Beta, and Charlie and got cornered into telling stories from way back when (thank you, red wine). Before we knew it, the room was in hysterics as the kids got to hear mom and dad tell things they’d never heard of.
The one that made them lose. their. minds. happened like this:
Sweet husband sees Cute Redhead sitting on the bed reading a magazine. It’s a beautiful summer day. The light is casting an ethereal gloam around her and he’s overcome with love.
Overcome.
He goes into the bedroom and does his best impersonation of Overcome With Love Newlywed and positions himself right in her way. Just like a cat would when you’re trying to read something.
Looking down at him, she smiles The Smile. Looking up at her, he smiles The Smile back. And then he reaches up, places his hand behind her neck and pulls her into A Kiss.
A very [censored ] and [very censored] kiss.
When their lips parted, she sat back up and looked down lovingly on her husband. And he smiled. And tears were in his eyes.
Such tenderness.
[end scene]
Okay, here’s what you would have seen if Camera Two was on:
Evil Man sees Vulnerable Woman sitting alone.
He goes into the kitchen and stuffs about six Oreos into his mouth and chews them up.
But doesn’t swallow them.
He goes into bedroom and starts making out in the middle of the day.
(She will deny this but it’s true).
After the very hot make out session, she looks down smiling at Her Man and he is smiling too.
With the aforementioned tears in his eyes.
Such evil.
He was smiling because he pulled it off. And there were tears in his eyes because the pressure to laugh was about to blow his eyes right out of their sockets.
Because all over her mouth, while she smiled, was what looked like a slimy, gritty oil slick. But she didn’t know it.
It was hilarious.
Then Evil Man couldn’t hold it in any longer and starts laughing.
Then she starts laughing when she sees the condition of his mouth. “Ew!” she says.
Then suddenly she stops laughing because she realized what he’s laughing at: the condition of her mouth.
She grabbed the camera which was right there and took that photo.
Then she clocked him. Hard. But he kept laughing.
This photo has been the stuff of legend. And missing for about fifteen years.
I just found it.
Tonight, at dinner, I’m going to recount that story.
And then I’m going to present the proof.
That their dad really is evil.
And still laughing.
That’s cruel man. But (as you correctly pointed out) very funny indeed. So glad you have a moment like that Kodachrome. I’m sure your kids loved it too.
It certainly explains why they now run down the grocery store aisle and return loaded up with Oreos…