This Is Going To Sting
You better sit down for this one, people.
In fact, you better get whatever it is you get when you need to find your Happy Place and believe that, no matter what, everything is going to be okay. Also, I would like to suggest a liter or two of Jack Daniels.
Okay, so you know how the economic downturn has resulted in the gross national product and the unemployment bleah bleah BLEAH YeahIDon’tActuallyListenEither. But, the whole knotted up mess has trickled down to MY WORLD enough that it seemed prudent to tighten the ol’ belt around here, right? Cut back on this, pare down on that, etc., etc. We can do without the live-in maid, the cook, the nanny, and the two RV’s. We’ll live without the yacht and the Gulfstream. Times are tough, but we’ll manage.
And by ‘manage’ I mean there’s going to be a homicide suburban uprising. It seeeEEEEEeeems that Man Skills (that’s my new self-awarded nickname) and Cute Redhead (that’s hers, although we’re considering changing that to WaitYouDidWhat?) had a (brace yourselves) miscommunication. How in the world, after eighteen years of matrimonial bliss THAT could happen, we’ll never puzzle out but…well. There it is.
A month or two ago, in our very responsible and mature conversation regarding whether or not to sell the kids, I mentioned that, all things considered they really don’t need the DVR downstairs. I mean, honestly—how many episodes of [any show on the Disney channel] does it take to find their dad trying to flip through to the recording of [any show he recorded] and, not finding it, decide to throw the damned remote at the wall?
Now, as I recall it I indicted their DVR. The one downstairs. THEIRS.
Which, again, is fine. In the interest of turning this financial Titanic around and heading back to safer shores, one less DVR in the house and the bit of cash it saves is not such a bad thing.
This, however, was:
Cute Redhead: “Hey guess WHAT?”
Man Skills: “What??”
Her: “I just got off the phone with [cable provider aka Cable Rapist] and managed to shave off [unimportant amount] a month off our bill! Yay!”
Me: “Yay!”
Her: “I know, right?!”
Me: “I know! Ha ha! We’re frugal! And ha ha! Heck! The kids won’t miss it anyway! Ha ha! Yay for us! I love that we’re saving [unimportant amount] each month! Yay! But…well. That’s okay! Because they don’t need it anyway, right??”
Her: “I got rid of ours too.”
Me: “. . .
. . .
Um. What?”
Her: “Well, I thought that’s what you said.”
Me: “You’re kidding me right? You THOUGHT I said rip my only 30 – 60 minute break from the insanity and GET RID OF THE ONLY THING PREVENTING JIHAD AROUND HERE?!”
Her: “Well. Yes. Yes, it will be okay. You’ll see. I think you can handle it.”
(Additional comments we don’t publish regarding what can and cannot be handled around here.)
Me: [after 'handing it'] *sigh “Okay.”
Her: “Oh one more thing. You have to drive the DVRs to the cable store tomorrow and return them.”
Me: “You hate me, don’t you?”
You are so dramatic.
Yeah well just because New Zealand hasn’t discovered DVRs yet…
ouch! I have decided that all wives secretly hate their men, it starts sometime around the “You did this to me!” moment in the delivery room at the hospital and goes downhill from there.
But really its just pretend, they make us think they hate us so we will buy them “Pretty Things” aka LV purses, diamond earings and new shoes
I wonder if Jane knows that those new digital rabbit ears cost less than one month’s cable….then everything you watch is free! Maybe I should email her?
OMG
The DVR??? I would totally be freaked out!!
Go ahead take my HBO-don’t care
Take a few nights of Dinner out monthly -Don’t care
Take away Red Meat and Pop-OK NO PROBLEM
DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH MY DVR-IF I HAVE TO MISS 1 EPISODE OF BIG BANG THEORY,NCIS GOD FORBID, GRAY’S ANATOMOY someone will be hurt seriously!! Damn it If I have to work all day do laundry, cook and pick up the dirty socks you will not take my DVR!!
Shit I say PICKET THE HOUSE!!!