Passing Cars, Passing Out
[Disclaimer #1: I have no idea what she's doing with her hands in that photo. That all by itself should put the fear of God in any of you, should you ever decide to road trip with this woman.]
[Disclaimer #2: I mean, seriously what in the HELL is she doing?!"]
Tell me if you’ve ever driven cross-country to visit the in-laws.
Tell me if you’ve tag-teamed the driving with your beloved wife.
Tell me if you’ve whittled away the hours with conversation, or comfortable silence, or Very Uncomfortable Arguing.
Tell me if you’ve watched fruited plain pass by your window, or worked double-time to withstand the hypnotic infinity of road stretched straight in front of you into horizon.
Tell me if you’ve ever sat in the passenger seat and read or napped or prayed to God in Heaven you lived to see another day because she thinks there’s nothing wrong with playing SUV Enema and barreling down on the poor Honda Civic…and theeeeennnnn stepping on the break…and theeeeennnnn changing lanes….and theeeeennnnn watching her husband peel his face off the dash.
Then when it’s all over…the holiday, the in-laws, the drive back home, the unpacking and the contracting back into your normal life and your normal spaces…
…tell me if you’ve ever had this conversation with your wife.
“…you know. When I was driving on our trip. And when I felt like I couldn’t breathe? And I thought I was going to pass out?”
“Um. Excuse me…what?”
“Yeah, don’t you remember that?”
*blinks
*blinks again
“You’re serious, right?”
“Yeah, I’m sure I told you abo—”
“OH I’M QUITE SURE YOU DIDN’T ‘TELL ME’ ABOUT ANY OF THAT BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU, BABY DOLL, I’D HAVE GRABBED THE WHEEL AND PULLED THE DAMN THING OV—ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FLIPPIN’ MIND?!?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU COULDN’T BREATHE AND THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PASS OUT?!!”
“Yeah, didn’t I tell you about that?”
“No. No, you didn’t tell me about that.”
“Yes. Well. It’s good to be home.”
“Yes. Well. It’s good not to be smeared on some deserted stretch of road in west Texas too.”
“Same thing.”
.
.
She’s fabuolous. She’s capable to get you out of your mind… And that’s amazing.
I’m a fan of her. I’m indeed.
We have a strange family…
“hey lois ya Know how you toldme you wanted real diamond engagement ring!”
“Oh my god, peter!”
“thats right I bought a horse!”